That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
