You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize