Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
