YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
where am i from again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
