I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
