Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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