listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
