Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
