it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
