Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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