Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
