i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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