I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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