The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
