please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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