It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
