Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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