My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Never joke about your clitoris.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
