You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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