i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
