she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
