woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
