That's intense
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We are two peas in an std pod
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
