did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
