I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
