I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
