its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
