no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We left an ass print on the piano.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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