So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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