Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
