Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
