maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
