I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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