I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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