Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
