i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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