Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
