do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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