god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
