i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
