I feel great
I just peed on a car
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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