i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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