BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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