WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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