she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Even my vagina gasped.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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