Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
