apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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