Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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