JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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