Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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