Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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