there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well you can't waste a boner
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
