North Korea, Best Korea!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
