Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
