It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
