You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
