Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
