Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
