Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fuck appropriateness.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
