That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize