I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
