I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like abortions should bother me more
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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