Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize