How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
