And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
