Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
