This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
