oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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