oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
