So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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