Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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