Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
4 words: hood of his car
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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