weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we made out on top of his cat.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize