If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
