Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
