Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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