the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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