god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
