I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
