why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
