none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
