This is not my ceiling
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
