I think im going to throw up on grandma
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
