yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
