what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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