the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think we might need a safe word for this...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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