the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
