I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
