Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
