If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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