its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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