The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
