i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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