My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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