I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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