Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
