I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My sheets look like a crime scene.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
